AVBCW 2013 04 13 The Second Battle of Much Marcle 1

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Reports are coming in of a cowardly attack by renegade elements formerly associated with the Church, on the Westons Cider Factory in Much Marcle.

Apparently using primitive armoured tractors sold to them by the mercenary Sutton, they made an unprovoked attack on the factory where the visiting South African Rugby Team had stopped off for a well earned drink as they moved up to support the brave BUF forces defending the Much Marcle Ridge Transmitter.

They were supported by other renegade elements including the Twiggy Mommet protestors (no doubt on their way to despoil and plunder the cider stocks). These more sophisticated bandits employed strange new tankettes.

However, this was all to no avail as the SA Rugby Team, with the natural defenders (The Stowfords Pressed Militia) beat them off. The Stowfords pressed militia in an exclusive interview a long way behind the front lines by the privy announced they had taken no casualties. Physiotherapists speaking on behalf of the SA Rugby Team indicated they had not been so lucky with several sprained wrists and ligament injuries, though they dismissed any claims that head injuries sustained would be a nuisance for their rugby team.

In totally unrelated news

The Rev R R Verity has announced from his hospital bed, that he will be temporarily unavaiblable for his usual Sunday service, as will his verger, ushers, and organist. The present Government’s policies on mortars are blamed for their temporary absence.

More to follow.

Meanwhile, an American auctioneer was found to be flooding auctions with spurious descriptions of his wares.